By Coleen Ramos. Illustration by Asia Alcid
If it wasn’t Taylor Swift, recently single and was reportedly still “upset” over her recent break up with Calvin Harris, we could’ve let this news slide like yesterday’s meal of the day. But this high-caliber of moving on can’t go unnoticed. These serial dating habits of hers questions our very own determination of finding love and with every gorgeous catch she gets year after year of short-lived romances and recurring deletion of Instagram posts, her devil may care attitude resonates a message we all seem to understand now in sheer clarity: she plans to catch them all.
Even with a relationship lifespan of a firefly, Taylor Swift’s beau collection is pretty impressive. From dating former Disney Stars (Joe Jonas), critically-acclaimed actors (Jake Gyllenhaal), not-so-critically-acclaimed actors (Taylor Lautner) to worldwide music superstars (John freakin’ Mayer), Taylor has a long list of ex-lovers that will make men and women implode with bitter rage. After calling it quits with Harris (real name Adam Wiles) we all seem to think that Taylor will be back at the studio spewing tales of heartbreak in the language she knows best.
What we didn’t expect is that she’d be back in the dating game so soon, this time with Avengers star and British internet boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston (God bless our souls, Hiddlestoners) at the beach like a Julia Roberts rom-com flick, snogging each other’s face and wrapping herself with her new boo’s denim jacket. Yep, Taylor is winning the breakup, and is up all night to get Loki.
And we get to witness Taylor for who she really is: a Pokémon trainer.
Okay, so no hate to Taytay but we’ve got to admit, the wild rollercoaster ride that is her dating life gets everyone flaunting their inner gossip girl. It gets us excited. Maybe like Ash, Taylor is just looking for a chance to catch that legendary Pokémon that evades them ever so often. They encounter them time after time, but end up, well, failing to catch any.
Since the late ’90s, Ash has been training Pokémon, trying to catch them, battling his way in the Pokémon League and blasting Team Rocket off into space. You’d think he’d be pretty good by now, but instead we see him and lose again and again until it gets absurdly annoying (because the protagonist must always win, duh) but you watch it the next day anyway.
You’d think, that after eight years of having high-profile relationships, coupled with obvious song dedications, Taylor would learn a thing or two about keeping a man for more than a year, but instead the Swift cycle continues. And honestly, I’m fed up. But here I am, writing about her dating life explaining how these numerous sparks—and busts—of love work to keep us all interested in anticipating Taylor’s next conquest.
[pull_quote]Much like there’s a significant reason for Taylor Swift’s failed relationships as well: some people aren’t just meant to be. Face it, accept it, get it over with. But she never gives up, does she? Pokémon trainers catch, care for, and battle with their Pokemon much like how it really is in a healthy, normal relationship.[/pull_quote]
There’s an important reason for Ash Ketchum’s losing streak: who would want to watch the protagonist win all the time? He’s the main character of a story bound to give him some justice. Ash often loses, but when he stands victorious, you scream for him. (Be honest.)
Much like there’s a significant reason for Taylor Swift’s failed relationships as well: some people aren’t just meant to be. Face it, accept it, get it over with. But she never gives up, does she? Pokémon trainers catch, care for, and battle with their Pokemon, much like how it really is in a healthy, normal relationship.
In reality, there’s no such thing as an indefinite win or forever, but we all want a happy ending anyway, in whatever form it will take.
Alas, Taylor is the face that broke a thousand hearts in her wake as she jumps ship from one man to another. With the advent of Swiddles (as voted by couple nickname experts on Tumblr) ready to prove the three-month rule wrong, the world will remain glued to their screens as they anticipate the outcome of this unexpected tryst between two unlikely human beings.
Taylor won’t stay youthful and glamorous under the glaring spotlights, her skin will wrinkle, her hair will turn white and her voice will wane in volume. In those moments of vulnerability, she’ll need someone, people who will say she’s done enough performances for the world to remember.
If Ash was able to find loyalty stronger than blood with Pikachu, then I’m sure Taylor won’t have any worries in finding hers.
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