Sometimes, conversations held at the Filipino dinner table can be one of the hardest to sit through.
Most cultures in Asia are considered collectivist, including the Philippines. As organization AFS-USA puts it, the norm is prioritizing social harmony, so much so that we “often avoid expressing [our] true opinions or delivering unwanted news.” Compared to individualistic contexts, most of us are raised to resort to passive or indirect communication, with self-expression being swept under the rug. Add up the tricky power dynamics between parents and children in the common household, and silence comes off as a better choice than an attempt at noise (cue “Anak”).
The hardest conversations at home aren’t always parents reprimanding their children—sometimes, it’s the opposite.
But the hardest conversations at home aren’t always parents reprimanding their children—sometimes, it’s the opposite. Days before the 2022 elections, the youth are working double time to push their chosen candidates to victory, one small talk with a stranger at a time. However, changing their parents’ minds is a whole ’nother nerve-racking situation.
So, how do you talk to—and much more try to change the mindset of—someone you’re personally connected with? In these conversations with five Gen Zs wrestling with the same dilemma, we uncover truths about family dynamics, personal advocacies, and diverse strategies when having The Talk with their family.
Arvi, 20 years old
When the pandemic hit, Arvi Pascual began to spend more time with her parents at home, prompting a bigger opportunity to discuss current events. The 20-year-old agricultural and biosystems engineering student says that there were issues in which they have opposing views. However, in the upcoming polls, they agreed on not voting for a specific presidential candidate.
The bigger challenge though was to persuade her parents—especially her dad who has stronger opinions in politics than her mom—to vote for her choice. For Arvi, a big factor she had to battle is years of misinformation and personality politics. In their talks, she tried giving the impression that she hasn’t decided on a candidate yet, even if she already has. “So, the conversations became more open, not loaded, and choosing a candidate has become a communal activity,” she reveals.
In the discussions, Arvi realized that conversations with older people get cut short once they discover who or what you’re rooting for. “I don’t provide them with credible articles per se, but I do correct some misleading information they mention and check the YouTube channels they watch once in a while,” she says. Ultimately, her use of the Socratic Method, which is grounded on asking and answering questions, was key.
“Asking questions about their thought process and reasoning somehow builds trust between both parties because it creates a safe space wherein you’re both willing to understand where both of you come from”
“Asking questions about their thought process and reasoning somehow builds trust between both parties because it creates a safe space wherein you’re both willing to understand where both of you come from. This allows them to unpack their thoughts rather than getting caught up with one point, [which] gets followed by frustration,” Arvi explains. “I find that it’s a common mistake that we dump sources and peer-reviewed journals on people we are trying to convince. Although it seems rightful, argumentation is an art. A good balance between logic and ethics can make a world of a difference.”
Soon, Arvi and her dad explored the history of each candidate together, until they narrowed it down to a few options, and met halfway.
“I can say that because of our brief exchanges of ideas, I gained more trust in [my parents’] critical thinking skills and judgment”
“Thanks to what my collective has taught me on mass work and better discourse tips, I can say that it went great relative to what I often hear/read on social media on how it went with their parents,” she says.
“I’m thankful that my parents are open with conversations regarding politics and able to change their minds accordingly,” tells Arvi. “I can say that because of our brief exchanges of ideas, I gained more trust in [my parents’] critical thinking skills and judgment.”
In the future, she hopes to discuss other taboo topics with her parents, like divorce and same-sex marriage.
What is your advice to young people who are trying to change their parents’ minds about politics?
Never engage if you’re not in the right headspace. Cut it short if you feel like you’re being attacked or not being listened to. Explore different approaches. Different people converse differently, so learn from your previous interactions and evaluate which parts you need to work on. Sulong lang! (Just keep moving forward!)
Thalia*, 24 years old
The last presidential polls reflected how patriarchy has Thalia’s family in a chokehold: Her dad’s vote influenced everyone else’s. “It was the first-ever election where I was a voter, I quite honestly didn’t know any better,” the 24-year-old medical student confessed. “Being active in social media changed a lot for me. Whereas before I’d honestly be inside my little bubble of privilege, I started seeing more of the social problems that happen in the actual world.”
Despite her good relationship with her dad, what she can’t grasp today is her father rooting for a candidate whose family is the reason behind the 1986 EDSA Revolution—an event that he attended. “I pressed him multiple times about it because honestly, I can take that he’s not voting for the candidate I’m supporting. But what I can’t stomach is how he’s going to vote for someone whose family he helped oust. I asked him, ‘You joined EDSA, didn’t you?’ and his usual answer is ‘Yes, I did and I don’t know why I joined’ which is BS, obviously.”
“I asked him, ‘You joined EDSA, didn’t you?’ and his usual answer is ‘Yes, I did and I don’t know why I joined’ which is BS, obviously”
The first time they had a verbal feud about this year’s elections, her dad’s reaction towards the family’s choice of candidate reeked of misogyny. “So I asked him, ‘Do you believe that I won’t make a good doctor because I’m a woman?’ which he told me that’s not what he meant.” While that didn’t stop her dad from throwing misogynistic remarks in another discussion, he’d be “wise enough” to keep quiet after a counter-glare from Thalia.
Making digestible comparisons like that proved to have an effect, even if it wasn’t exactly the most ideal. “If there’s anything my dad would acknowledge though, it’s data from the US… So I always bring up articles, investigations, and court rulings from the US. But it’s not enough to change his mind, apparently.”
Thalia’s dad often gets baited by Facebook “conspiracy theories” and unverified information, even outside politics—he’d listen to a “Facebook doctor” more than Thalia, who’s studying medicine. Ultimately, pride is part of the equation. “I feel like [most of the time] he’s just arguing with me to assert dominance, and I’ve always been at the receiving end of ‘bata ka pa (you’re just a kid); you don’t know anything.’”
“I feel like [most of the time] he’s just arguing with me to assert dominance, and I’ve always been at the receiving end of ‘bata ka pa (you’re just a kid); you don’t know anything’”
Luckily, Thalia’s beacon of hope is her mom, who always welcomes opinions from her and her siblings. After successfully persuading her mom to agree with her choices, her mom now goes to Thalia for knowledge on less popular candidates. But the 24-year-old won’t back out from persuading her dad. “My mom told me [that] my dad asked her once, ‘Why is [Thalia] the way that she is? Whom did she learn this (being opinionated) from?’ and she told him, ‘Who else will she get it from but you?’”
What is your advice to young people who are trying to change their parents’ minds about politics?
Never stop trying and pushing. If you don’t change their minds with facts, maybe you could change [them] with your passion to fight for what you think is right. Maybe you could get them to actually respect your opinion, too.
Liam*, 22 years old
College paved the way for Liam to formulate his own perspective on politics. “I’ve also joined a couple of rallies which even widened my understanding of social injustices,” the 22-year-old graphic designer said. However, finally exercising his right to vote didn’t seem that emancipating at home—especially with his dad who has opposing political views.
Once, Liam’s sister told their father, “Mawawala ka na tapos kami ’yung maiiwan, kami ’yung mahihirapan.” (Soon, you’ll be gone and we’ll be the ones left to suffer.) Then, according to Liam, their dad replied with an obnoxious, “Anong pake ko sa inyo?” (Why should I care about you?)
Once, Liam’s sister told their father, “Mawawala ka na tapos kami ’yung maiiwan, kami ’yung mahihirapan.” (Soon, you’ll be gone and we’ll be the ones left to suffer.) Then, according to Liam, their dad replied with an obnoxious, “Anong pake ko sa inyo?” (Why should I care about you?)
“I did not grow up in an environment where speaking opinions about complex issues is welcome. When I started to become vocal, my father would just dismiss my points by shrugging [them] off and even telling me that I’m just a first-time voter—as if it makes my vote matter less,” Liam confesses.
This election season, his dad is the only person in the family with a different presidential bet. Unfortunately, the response Liam receives this time is a bit worse: outright disregard. This includes walking out mid-argument and pretending to be busy on his phone.
“When I started to become vocal, my father would just dismiss my points by shrugging [them] off and even telling me that I’m just a first-time voter—as if it makes my vote matter less”
But the bigger villain might be more uncontrollable. “We all know how fake news is deceptive and effective, especially to those who are susceptible to believing everything they see on the internet,” he says. Interestingly, Liam’s family—his dad included—voted in the 2010 elections for a candidate you’d never expect, given his dad’s political beliefs today.
Aside from lifting quotes from the news, Liam has resorted to teasing his dad about his choices whenever they’re in a room with people who support Liam’s candidate. “To be honest, I’ve already lost hope in convincing him to change his presidential bets.”
What is your advice to young people who are trying to change their parents’ minds about politics?
Keep doing what you’re doing, as long as you still have the inner peace whenever you’re alone with your thoughts. I’ve long since quit trying to persuade my dad because it’s not good for my mental health. At the end of the day, we shouldn’t just waste our time convincing one person who’s obviously close-minded. We can at least turn to other people who are still open to accepting opposite arguments and aren’t defensive when facts are given to them.
Angel, 21 years old
With an impending deadline, Angel Ligaray’s assignment feels impossible to accomplish: Convincing both her parents to align with her presidential bet.
Despite living in a household where she can voice her opinions, the 21-year-old psychology student is grappling with making her parents listen to her points in the first place. When asked about her parents’ usual argument, she points out, “They don’t really argue that they’re right. They just make it seem like they are. They usually don’t acknowledge the things I tell them, and keep insisting that their candidate is the best option.”
According to Angel, what her parents pay attention to is the wrong side of the internet. “They keep sharing things on their Facebook accounts, and they are usually untrue things that have a ‘Fact checked: False’ on them, yet they still continue to share and believe them to be true. Yes, they carry not-so-progressive beliefs from their generation,” she says. “They think that just because they didn’t suffer then, it was [the] Golden Age.”
Like any frustrated Gen Z, she has devoted her time to sending articles and videos, always mentioning their credibility
And it’s not like Angel doesn’t try. Like any frustrated Gen Z, she has devoted her time to sending articles and videos, always mentioning their credibility. In return, her parents paint her sources as those that spread “fake news.”
But what could have been intensifying her parents’ devotion to their candidate is sexism. “They just don’t think that a woman can lead the country. They’re very misogynistic,” she reveals, narrating how they’d say, “Dapat astig atong presidente. Dili babae.” (Our president must be tough. Not a woman.)
While Angel claims their political differences don’t affect their relationship, she has quit trying to change their minds.
I find it best to explain it in a manner that they can relate to, maybe through simpler terms or through anecdotes or simple examples. Try not to be “too factual” or else they’ll just get overwhelmed (like mine did)
What is your advice to young people who are trying to change their parents’ minds about politics?
I think that they shouldn’t shove all the facts to their parents’ faces but instead, try to talk to them in a way that they can understand. I feel that my parents were overwhelmed with the amount of data I gave them that they didn’t even take the time to read them anymore.
I find it best to explain it in a manner that they can relate to, maybe through simpler terms or through anecdotes or simple examples. Try not to be “too factual” or else they’ll just get overwhelmed (like mine did).
George*, 23 years old
Luckily, George isn’t battling historical revisionism at the dinner table. “[My parents] tell me na naranasan nila ’yung Martial Law and alam nila kung gaano kahigpit that time,” the 23-year-old workforce management associate revealed. (My parents tell me that they experienced Martial Law and they know how strict it was during that time.)
He was raised in a household where opinions are freely spoken, whatever topic it may be. That’s why this time, he’s making the most of the opportunity by motivating his father to switch to his choice of presidential candidate.
“He wants na kung sinong gusto niya, ’yun din mapili namin. But if I know na nasa tama ako, I support it with the right argument para alam niyang ’di niya na ako need i-convince pa,” George says. (He wants us to vote for whoever he votes for. But if I know I’m in the right, I support it with the right argument so he knows he doesn’t need to convince me.)
“He wants na kung sinong gusto niya, ’yun din mapili namin. But if I know na nasa tama ako, I support it with the right argument para alam niyang ’di niya na ako need i-convince pa”
At first, both his dad and mom chose the same presidential bet. “They’ve seen his accomplishments in his area. Grabeng improvement din kasi ’yung ginawa kaya ’yun ’yung [argument] nila sa akin na possible na magawa sa buong bansa.” (The improvement was apparent so they argued that it’s possible that could happen in the whole country, too.)
When asked about factors that might have influenced their decision, George mentioned, “Lumaki sila sa hirap.” (They grew up in poverty.)
With that, relatability could be a huge factor in his effective conversations at home because it also played a part in changing his mom’s bet.
“Actually, I partially convinced my mom, but what convinced her [further] was a vlog of a celebrity that she was following, who had my presidential bet as guest”
“Actually, I partially convinced my mom, but what convinced her [further] was a vlog of a celebrity that she was following, who had my presidential bet as guest,” George narrates. “I think naka-relate siya doon sa interview and siya mismo nag-search kung ano ’yung possible na magawa. Last na nagpa-convert sa kanya are some endorsements ng religious group. Hindi naman pinapangalanan nito ’yung candidate but the criteria na sinasabi nila is fit sa candidate na ito.”
(I think she was able to relate to the interview and she herself did research on the candidate’s platforms. The last thing that converted her decision were endorsements from a religious group. They didn’t actually name their bets but my candidate fit their criteria.)
Now, he seeks help from his mom to make his dad join their side. On top of that, George makes it clear that he won’t let political differences affect their connection.
What is your advice to young people who are trying to change their parents’ minds about politics?
Let them choose kung sino ang gusto nila and feel free na i-convince sila if you think na mali ’yung choice nila, but make sure na tamang argument ang gagamitin mo to make it convincing. If hindi pa rin sila nakinig, let them be and respect their decision since they are mature enough and they have much experience sa atin kaya for sure they have a good reason on choosing that candidate.
(Let them choose whoever they want to and feel free to convince them if you think their choice is wrong. But make sure you have the right argument to make it convincing. If they still don’t listen, let them be and respect their decision since they are mature enough and they’ve experienced much more than us, so for sure they have a good reason in choosing that candidate.)
*names have been changed upon request
Read more:
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Art by Yel Sayo