Where do I get birth control and which one should I get? What does an orgasm feel like? How the hell do you do butt stuff? We answer all these questions in our new column about sex. Say hello to The Big O.
We introduced the column last week. This week’s topic? Masturbation if you have a vagina.
The first rumor I ever heard about myself in high school was that I apparently liked to touch myself in the school bathrooms.
Only half of that was true. I don’t think I was ever capable of squatting over a dirty public toilet long enough to get it off. I found out two things that day: never trust high school girls to keep a secret, and, in a school where everyone was definitely having sex with everyone else, nothing was more perverse than having sex with yourself.
It took me years to unlearn that second bit. After creeping around the internet and finding new friends (who masturbated too!), I saw that there was so much more that my hormonal teenage self could learn from it.
Masturbation gives you confidence and authority over your own body. Once you discover what turns you on, you can communicate that to your sexual partners, leading to better sex and better orgasms. And for particularly bad menstrual cramps, masturbating can help relax your muscles and alleviate your period-related stress. But also–and most importantly–it’s damn fun.
[pull_quote]Masturbation gives you confidence and authority over your own body. Once you discover what turns you on, you can communicate that to your sexual partners, leading to better sex and better orgasms.[/pull_quote]
If you don’t enjoy masturbating or just can’t seem to get off when you’re going solo, that’s totally fine and completely normal! Masturbation is a very unique and personal experience, and no one has the right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t like. But for everyone else, here’s Masturbation 101 for vajayjays.
Fingers vs. toys
Your first companion on this epic masturbation adventure will likely be your trusty fingers. Try different motions, speeds, and pressures until you find a method that makes you feel good. Some women prefer an up-and-down motion, others prefer side-to-side, still others a circular movement. Experiment and listen to your body.
I will always recommend getting a sex toy (or two, or 10): they are specially designed to pleasure you. You can use them alone or with a partner, and there are different kinds for different needs. They can get pretty pricey though, and the huge number of options can be overwhelming.
Many young girls–and hey, many adults–can’t afford a good vibrator with a five-figure price tag, so we have to get creative sometimes. If you can hole up in the bathroom for a couple hours without raising suspicion, a tried and tested method is to use the bidet or shower head to gently stimulate your clit.
Using random objects around the house usually isn’t recommended–they can be unhygienic and/or have weird edges that might scratch or injure you. But if you decide to spring for that brush handle, clean it thoroughly first and use a condom.
Just the tips (and tricks)
Prep before you play. Dim the lights or turn them off if that helps. Take a warm shower beforehand to loosen up your muscles. Queue up the porn or bust out the X-rated fiction we all know you read. And if you don’t live alone, make sure you lock your door. Nothing is more of a mood killer than your mom walking in on you rubbing one out.
Love your body–all of it. It’s tempting to skip the foreplay, but good things come to those who wait. Lightly graze your thighs. Massage your neck. Treat every body part like it’s the main event and your lady bits will thank you later.
Mix it up. Lying on your back is comfortable, I know, but there are other positions you can try too. Sitting up on your heels gives you more room to rock your hips back and forth, and lying on your stomach adds extra pressure to your strokes.
Call a friend. If you’re incapable of doing anything alone (like me), you can ask someone to lend you a metaphorical hand. Sexting and phone sex are seriously underrated masturbation aids.
Go through the back door. Anal play can be terrifying for first-timers, but sneaking your finger in while you’re flicking the bean can be a safe and low-pressure way to explore butt stuff.
Practice, practice, practice! There’s no right way to masturbate, only what’s right for you. You can read all the internet articles you want, but you’ll only start having better self-sex by actually doing it.
Illustrations by Patsy Lascano